HAWMC Day 18: Asking for forgiveness…

Posted: April 19, 2013 in Caregiving, Coping, Medical Conditions
Tags: , , , , ,


Yeah, I can be a REAL ass when I'm feeling really down about my diminished health status. Unfortunately, having chronic illnesses (yes, more than one) means that I have very few acquaintances. Heck, I don't really have anyone local I can call a "friend." The fact means I have no one to vent all my frustrations to – no best friend's shoulder to cry on, no one to listen to me rant about the crap that people with chronic illnesses rant about: can't find a do that listens or seems to care, losing the life you once had, feeling like an utter and complete useless blob, feeling like an incredible burden to your spouse/significant other.
So, who gets the brunt of my anger, sadness and self-hatred? My wonderful husband.
Even though my anger and hatred isn't direct AT him, it doesn't sound that way to him, and what I say and how I say it REALLY hurts him.
Last night, I learned just HOW MUCH what I say hurts him-deeply: about feeling like a financial and emotional burden; wishing i could just end my life; being a hunk of uselessness; how everything I touch turns to crap (the reverse Midas touch curse"); how ugly I have become…
I honestly didn't realize that what I was saying was reflecting back on his choice to be with me and for standing by me during all of my medical struggles.
I hurt so badly now because of how deeply I've been hurting him.
Tears aren't enough.
Saying "I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it.
How do I undo the pain I've unintentionally caused the only reason on the face of this planet that love me?

If I ever find out, I'll let you know.

I love you, K. I hope we with all of my hrart, soul and being that we can learn to work together against these medical miseries, and remember that we are on the same team.

  1. […] HAWMC Day 18: Asking for forgiveness… (misdiagnosedme.wordpress.com) […]

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  4. crshore says:

    I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! I love your blog and I hope you know you’ve inspired me.

    Thank you Rules:
    *Add The Versatile Blogger award photo on a blog post.
    *Thank the person who presented you with the award and link back to him or her in your post.
    *Share seven things about yourself.
    *Pass the award along to 15 bloggers you have recently discovered.
    *Contact the chosen bloggers to let them know about the award.

    • Lori says:

      I thank you so very much for your nomination! I am honored and flattered.
      However, I have searched the entre WEGO site and cannot find the graphic I am supposed to display.
      Also, I do not know what it means to “link back” – just provide a link to the other’s post in mine?
      I will have to work hard to identify others that have inspired me…

      Again – THANK YOU!!

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