Radical acceptance isn’t supposed to be bitter. It is supposed to bring peace.
So, I will now continue along my path, knowing, thinking, and noticing.
I don’t know what else to call this set of emotions that have lead me to say, “I’m done.”
I am just frustrated beyond words over being marginalized by my healthcare providers, and really, just people in general.
I’m tired of the fight getting me nowhere.
I recently read something by Australian historian and author. Tim Flannery (The Eternal Frontier) that made me take serious pause: one person cannot change mass behavior that they believe to be inappropriate or immoral. By bringing such things to the attention of the majority, it creates hostility against the person. So, in other words, accept the bad/poor/inappropriate behavior and keep quiet. Accept it. That’s just the way it is. Morality never wins – the mob wins. (this is a paraphrase, not quote)
I have been unsuccessful at creating or joining a mob that can truly make a difference.
So, I am DONE.
Done doing my due diligence just to be ridiculed and then, ignored- not treated – told that I should “get used to getting older.”
Done doing this – what ever you want to call “this.” Trying to gain acceptance as a human being, trying to get someone to care enough to try and help me, trying to teach people to advocate for themselves as I have tried to do… Maybe not forever, but for now, I am DONE.
Maybe this is the straw that broke this camel’s back: I don’t think that the things that are going on with me now (like a sudden 10 lb weight gain; almost daily, debilitating migraines; hair loss; very easy bruising) are something I should just “get used to.” (Thanks for that sage advice, Doc.) Just because simple blood tests show me as “normal” – isn’t it quite obvious things are far from normal? Example: I have had a bone infection for at least 4 months – it was discovered on a routine dental X-ray 2 weeks ago – but – it HAD been noted on an MRI in April. But, did ANYONE bother to address it – NO. I asked about the radiologists comment and was told not to worry. Who’s worrying? I just want such weirdness to addressed. Or should I just “radically accept” my conditions? (no, I’m not leaning towards the “church” of Mary Baker Eddy!)
Now, I am working on radically accepting that I am not going to get the care, attention, treatment, testing, concern and compassion others may be fortunate enough to get.
[If you are reading this, and are getting these things I listed in the previous sentence, please be joyous. Seriously.]
I am also trying to radically accept that my absence from the fight will not make one bit of difference on this overcrowded, selfish planet.
Now…I am DONE.